Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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