Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
