Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
