So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
