So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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