his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
