And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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