Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
