Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
