he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
