I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
