Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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