corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize