i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
