before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
