I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
