I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
