ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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