ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She told me I should be a condom model.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
