I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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