No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
