dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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