I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize