can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
