I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
