I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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