Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
