I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
