Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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