i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
