i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
