We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
