Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
