How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
