Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
