I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
