4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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