I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
