I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize