Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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