the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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