Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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