9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
