"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
