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I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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