he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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