So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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