What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
