Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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