i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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