Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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