where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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