I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Less talking, more tequila
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
