I think I died a long time ago.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
