I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
