FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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