did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
