you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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