my soul wont recognize me after tonight
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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