apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
