420 ftw
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize