i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Enjoy the penises
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
