Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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