i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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