It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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