My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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