ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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