Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
