I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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