then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
