My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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