i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
a search helicopter?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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