how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
