I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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