I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize