A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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