I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
