I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
